like in most other aspects of israeli life, politics, ego and fund raising have crept up the the taut cables of the santiago calatrava suspension bridge. why? because like in most other aspects of israeli life, someone set aside a budget for building the bridge but no one imagined it would also need maintaining! things happen here, and change, so quickly that long term planning is as mysterious as the kabala.
jerusalem mayor lupolianski woke up one night in the midst of a nightmare – “where am I going to get the money to pay salaries for the people i will have to hire to polish the cables?” very surprisingly it turns out that the cables, the whole bridge as a matter of fact, will need maintenance. unbelievable! what?! 30 million shekels?! “ah! no problem” thought lupolianski. “i’ll do what we always do – find a zionist millionaire sucker to donate the money and we’ll name the bridge after him!”
and he was right. no problem! john gandel, rated number 5 millionaire in australia and new zealand agreed to put up $10 million to have his name remembered to eternity (or until the next scheduled bridge maintenance and fund raising campaign).
what did calatrava have to say about this you ask. “over my dead body! If MY bridge is named after gandel i won’t sign it and i’ll stir up such an international stink that even the americans won’t want to sell you the f35s to to fight syria who pm olmert is now secretly negotiating peace with to deliver the golan heights for establishing an iranian stronghold closer to your border so they won’t need to invest in long distance missiles to deliver their nuclear warheads so that pm olmert’s next police interrogation will have to be delayed until the nuclear fallout disperses and until sharon’s son is released from prison and finally sharon himself may wake from the coma and come up with a solution for maintaining my beautiful work of art”.
gandel heard about the f35s, iranian nuclear warheads and of sharon, he politely excused himself saying the bridge mast was too high and too steep for him to climb safely. he ran back to his private jet and flew back to the safety of oz.
so now we need another donor. this offer is open to all of my readers! either you put up the money or lupolianski is going to charge me! and it’s not like i don’t want to help. i just don’t feel comfortable having my name engraved on a plaque by the bridge. i prefer it displayed on an iconic photo on a newsweek cover or something like that. you think if i offered newsweek the 30 million shekels they’d agree?
i have no knowledge and no interest in politics and this is not a political statement. i am just amazed with the irony. israel is the most crazy place on earth. and the most wonderful! we have hi-tech, satellites, modern agriculture, scientists, artists, a claim on ownership of biblical history, universities, a democracy … you’d think someone would have thought the calatrava bridge cables would occasionally need bolt tightening, stretching and maybe even polishing!
photos to follow – i just had to get this off my chest